Dating Community Guidelines

These community guidelines outline what commitments you (as a dater on my list) are making to the process by agreeing to a match and what commitments I am making to you as a matchmaker.

My commitments to you

  1. Matchmaking is inherently not a confidential process. That being said, I do not share who is on my list with people outside of my actual attempts to make matches (which can include sharing your bio with potential connectors, matchmakers, etc.) Anything you do share with me explicitly in confidence I will hold as 100% confidential. If we do not know each other before you joined my matchmaking list and we see each other in a community setting I will wait for you to say hello (and there is no pressure to!) 
  1. All ethical dating is welcome! This includes monogamous, polyamorous, nonmonogamous, and more. 
  1. My broad commitment to you. I am always open to feedback on how to make my process more consent-based, fair, compassionate, and anti-oppressive. I am in a continued learning process around ethical matchmaking and will keep actively learning throughout my time as a matchmaker (hopefully a lifetime!) I am also committed as a matchmaker to bottomless hope on your behalf. I truly believe that everyone is moments away from finding what they are looking for. I can promise you that once you are on my list, you will never be forgotten.
  1. You are whole and complete just as you are. You are precious and your worth is not determined by your experience in dating. I will hold this stance as we work together.
  1. If I do not uphold these commitments, I will pause my matchmaking work until I have time to determine and go through an accountability process.

Your commitments to the process

  1. Consent is number one. Consenting to matches, consenting on dates, and consenting in relationships. For example: respecting your own right to consent and the consent of any person you may date through this process. That means respecting your own and their yes’s, no’s, and maybes when it comes to being matchmade, going on dates, etc. If consent is an unfamiliar concept or term for you, see this resources document. If you still have questions, let me know and I’d be happy to meet with you to discuss further.
  1. Bring compassion and kindness into your dating. Even if a match does not work out, holding compassion for the other person and using considerate language when providing feedback to me about the match.
  1. Explore and interrogate your biases. It is totally okay to have preferences in who you’d like to date (of course!) but it is important to interrogate these preferences as they might be based in oppressive ideology. Ask yourself questions about power in dating, and interrogate ways in which you notice bias, racism, fatphobia, misogyny, transphobia, and more in dating contexts. I do not work with daters who do dominant race dating (for example, a white person who is only looking to date white people). I also do not work with people who do “racial preference” dating unless it is someone from a racially oppressed background seeking someone from a shared racially oppressed background. This article in particular has helpful questions you can ask yourself. You are not expected to be perfect in the dating world around these issues, but you are expected to be working on yourself (we all are, daters and non-daters alike) More resources for learning found here.
  1. Please no ghosting (stopping communicating without letting someone know that you are no longer interested). If you decide after agreeing to a match that you do not want to go on the date, no problem, just let the other person know. If you go on a date (or dates) with someone and decide you’d like to stop going on dates with them, no problem, just let them know. I am also here as a resource to help you craft a kind and direct text message in either situation. The exception to this is if you feel unsafe, in which case ghosting or blocking is completely okay.
  1. You are the expert on you! Follow your instincts and your internal yes and internal no and pacing. I trust you and will always follow your lead. 
  1. Respecting my limited time as a matchmaker. Because I do not do matchmaking full-time, I can only offer very limited services as a matchmaker, which is why I am also able to offer no-cost and low-cost options for those on my list.
  1. If you feel you cannot follow these community guidelines, here are some resources for learning and growth. And know I am here to talk with you about questions, uncertainties, learnings, and more. 
  1. If you do not uphold these commitments, I will remove you from my list.

I do not work with anyone under the age of 21. Please see “your commitments to the process” for prohibited behaviors. These guidelines are my terms & conditions.